Fictional Works Mentioned in Gargantua (Random Table/Any System)

The following is a Random Table derived from Public Domain resources at Wikipedia and a few other sources. Not only is it designated Open Game content, it's Public Domain, so use it as you wish wherever you wish, it is doubtful that Rabelais will care overly much. Just be sure to include a poop joke or some mention of mustard...

Books and Manuscripts of Dubious Provenance as Mentioned in Gargantua

1. Abbots' Donkey-Size Pricks.  Alleged to contain 1d4 quite inapproriate spells.
2. Advanced Asslicking, for Graduate Students
3. Adversus quemdam qui vocaverat eum fripponatorem, et quod fripponatores non sunt damnati ab Ecclesia, by Sutor
4. Alchemists' Windpipes
5. And Cheese, Too.  Contains the spell: Call Cheese.
6. Antidotarium animae, by Merlin Coccaius
7. Antipericatamentanaparbeugedamphibricationes, or Discussions on All Manner of Subjects by Shit Monks. Possession of this book carries a base 30% chance of attracting the attention of the Shit Monks. Reading it has an 80% chance. Never read it out loud.
8. Ars honeste petandi in societate, by Hardouin de Graetz
9. Astrology's Chimney Sweep
10. Badinatorium Sophistarum
11. Ball-biting Promoters
12. Barbouilamenta Scoti, by Scotus
13. Batwing Hats for Cardinals
14. Begging Monks' Stew. Suspected of being the source of a variant form of Create Food and Drink.
15. Bell Ringers' Ballgames
16. Bigot's Stew
17. Bigua salutis
18. Bishops' Antidotes for Aphrodisiacs. Notorious source of the dreaded spell Cause Impotence.
19. The Bishops' Bagpipes. A rather loud book known to attract wandering monsters once opened.
20. Blinders for the Road to Rome. Save -2 or be struck blind.
21. Boots for the Stouthearted
22. Bragueta juris
23. Cacatorium medicorum
24. Callibistratorium caffardie, actore M. Jacobo Hostratem hereticometra, by Jacobo Hostratem
25. Campi clysteriorum, by Symphorien Champier
26. Cardinal Cajetan's Whinnyings
27. Catalogue of Academic Candidates
28. The Chains of Religion
29. Cheated Husbands in Court
30. Close-Shaven Clerks, by Ockham
31. The Clownishness of Little Priests
32. Commercial Rope Tricks
33. The Cost of Letting Monks Beg
34. The Crucible of Contemplation
35. Cullebutatorium confratiarm
36. De auferibilitate pape ab ecclesia, by Gerson
37. De Baboinis et cingis, cum commento Dorbellis, by Marmotretus (Presumed to be written by a sapient Marmot)
38. De batisfolagiis principium, by R. Lullius
39. De bobelinandis glosse Accursiane baguenaudis repetitio enucidiluculidissiam, by Pilloti Raquedenari (A known pseudonym of the infamous cutpurse 'Penny Squeazer')
40. De brodiorum usa et honestate chopinandi, by Silvester of Priero
41. De cagotis tollendis, by Justinianus
42. De calcaribus removendis decades undecium, by Aubry de Rosata
43. De capreolis cum chardoneta comedendis, tempore Papali ab Ecclesia interdicto, by Pasquilli
44. De castrametandis crinibus, by Ejusdem (Spurious forgery committed by a delusional doppleganger writing in mirrorscript)
45. De compotationibus mendicantium, by Friar Lubinus
46. De croquendis lardonibus, by Reverend Father Friar Lubinus
47. De Differentiis soupparum, by Guillaume Briçot
48. De emulgentiarum profectibus enneades novem, cum privilegio papeli ad triennium, et posteanon, by Bishop Boudarinus
49. De grabellationibus horarum canonicarum lib. quadraginta by Maîstre Fripesaulcetis (Mage with a Disembodied Tongue...)
50. De Magistro nostrandorum magistro nostratorumque beuvetis lib. octo galantissimi, by Chaultcouillon (Author also noted for creating the infamous testicle-destroying Hot Balls spell)
51. De modo cacandi, by Tartaretus
52. De modo faciendi boudinos, by Majoris
53. De moustarda post prandium servienda lib. quatuordecium, apostilati per M. Vaurillon, by M. N. Rostocostojambedanesse
54. De optimitate triparum, by Beda
55. De originbe patepelutarum et torticollorum ritibus lib. septem, by Moillegroin (Actually this book was penned by Moillegroin's dog who was notorious for having a wet nose)
56. De patria diabolorum, by Merlin Coccaius
57. De pelendis mascarendisque cardinalium mulis, by Marforius
58. De re militari, cum figuris Tevoti, by Franctopinus
59. De terribiliditate excommunicationum libellus acephalos, by Jo. Dytebrodius
60. De usa et utilitate escorchandi equos et equas, by "Our Master of Quebecu"
61. De vita et honestate braguardorum by Lourdadus (The Sage of Dubrame noted for creating the Stupefy Self spell, killed by a rogue dumb bell in Pasquo)
62. Decretum universitatis Parisiensis super gorgiasitate muliercularum ad placitum
63. Decrotarorium scholarium
64. Dribbling Tipplings by Useless Bishops
65. Fairy Tales of the Law
66. Faking the Holy Cross
67. Folk Dances for Heretics
68. Forcible Removal in Matters Requiring a Conscience
69. Formicarium artium
70. Fun With Dice -- The first RPG?
71. Garters, or Patience's Knee-Boots
72. The Guzzlers' Den, by Alcofrybas Nasier
73. Heretics' Hides
74. Heroes' Elephant Balls. Source of the Elephant Balls spell.
75. The History of Elves, Brownies, and Hobgoblins. Perusal of this book will reveal 1d4 rumors, legends or secrets of each of the three named races.
76. How a Vision of Saint Gertrude Appeared to a Nun, at Poissy, When She Went into Labor. Banned book known ot have caused at least 6 documented spontaneous pregnancies amongst various ecclesistics, two of whom were men.
77. How Fast Friars Fool Around
78. How Grabby Beggars Grab, collected by Brother Cut-your-wallet
79. How Priests Cover Themselves
80. How Priests Say No
81. How to Get to the Bottom, in Discipline
82. How to Keep It Up Till You're Ninety
83. How to Make a Nobleman Shut Up
84. How Virgins Shit. Illustrated by three blind men.
85. How Wine Spurs You On
86. Humility's Worn-out Shoe
87. The Hungry Jaws of Lawyers
88. Incessant Fartings of Ecclesiastical Scriveners: Scribes, Copyists, Abbreviators, Court Clerks, and Calendar Fixers, compiled by Regis
89. Ingeniositas invocandi diabolos et diabolas, by Guingolfus (Author was a notorious werewolf)
90. Judges' Bulging Bellies. Contains 2d4 spells of gastro-intestinal destruction and discomfort.
91. Ladies' Finger Bells
92. Landing in Brazil, by Antonio de Leva. Contains 3/4 of the outline of a spell for opening a gate-way to Brazil.
93. Lawyers' Complaints about the Abolition of Bribes
94. Lyripipi Sorbonici Moralisationes, by Lupoldus
95. Magistrates in Cat Fur -- There were furries back in the 16th Century? Surely it's evidence of time travel most foul...there truly is nothing new under the sun...
96. Magnanimity's Stewpot
97. Making Money on Indulgences
98. Malogranatum vitiorum
99. Maneries ramonandi fournellos, by Eccius
100. Marriage Tied Around with a String
101. Misers' Mountains
102. Monks' Cowls
103. The Musty Mustard-Pot of Penitence
104. The Notary's Basket
105. Official Swindlers
106. Old Soldiers and Other Bums
107. On the Clownishness of Country Priests
108. On the Serving of Mustard after Meals, fourteen volumes, collected by M. Vaurillon
109. Pantofla decretorum
110. Peas in Lard, with commentary
111. Perpetual Almanac for Those Afflicted with Gout or the Pox
112. The Pharmacists' Fart Sucker. Contains the spell Summon Fart Sucker.
113. Piety's Handcuffs
114. Pleasures of the Monastic Life
115. Poetasters' Bellybuttons
116. Poiltronismus rerum Italicarum, by Etienne Brulefer
117. Political Glue
118. A Pot for All Seasons
119. The Preacher's Featherduster by a bum
120. Prognostication, by Songecruyson, the "Master of Useless Dreams"
121. Quaestio subtilissima, utrum Chimera in vacuo bombinans possit comedere secundus intentiones, et fuit debatuta per decem hebdomadas in concilio Constantiensi
122. Rear-Flapping Trousers for Shitheads
123. Roman Fanfares
124. Stories of the Kings of Canarre, by Marotus du Lac
125. Stratagemata Francharchieri de Bagnolet
126. Stupid Noises by Celestine Monks
127. Surgery's Kiss-My-Ass
128. The Sweat Stink of Spaniards, by Iñigo de Loyola
129. Tarraballationes Doctorum Coloniensium adversus Reuchlin
130. Theologians' Rat Traps. Holds 2d8 different Clerical spells for trapping and getting rid of rats.
131. Theology's Tennis Ball
132. Thieves' Dens
133. Travelers' Trinkets
134. Tricks by Trixies and Elves
135. The Tripe-Pod of Noble Thought. Alleged to have a 40% chance to cause readers to develop a third lobe to their brain...
136. Virevoustatorium nacquettorum by F. Pedebilletis (Author afflicted by the dreaded Pin Head Curse...)
137. What Bothers Priests about Holy Confession
138. Why Hermits Have Pendulous Beards
139. Why Monkeys Smack Their Lips When They Pray
140. Widows' Bald Asses. Summons a herd of hairless Asses to trample the reader.
141. Worm Powder for the Poor (A notorious grimoire from Wermspittle)
142. (Dare we attempt to add more to this list? Maybe you have some suggestions? Leave us a comment.)

Now we just have to figure out what's inside each of these fictional books...